Dear lady in front of me at Walgreen's with the overflowing shopping cart,
1. Stop it. No one does that. By definition, Walgreen's is the express lane of sundry suppliers. "12 items or less" should be their tagline; you should abide by that.
2. Your family history of smoking and other ancestral minutiae interests me not. Unlike the two teenage girls between us, I don't care that your grandfather smoked filter-less Camels or that it's harder to quit menthols than regular. Your cousin likes bacon? Guess what. Almost everyone likes bacon. Get a Twitter account. It's free.
3. A check? Really? It's 2012.
Please do yourself, me and the 17 people who queued up behind me a favor. As with all things, when shopping, moderation is key.